Dumb Dumb Dupre

You gotta love it.

For those who have not heard, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, the infamous hooker behind the Spitzer affair, will not be getting any money from Girls Gone Wild's Joe Francis. He originally offered her $1MM to do a 2008 Spring Break Tour. However, after looking through his archives, he found all the footage he needed from her 18th birthday in Miami. Why buy the cow when you have the milk in your refridigerator?

I must say I am in 7th Heaven right now. She made it a point to have her face plastered all over the media in hope that she would make money off of this. But it backfired. Playboy won't give her anything...and now she can't even make money from Girls Gone Wild. Poor little thing. Let's not feel too bad for her though, there are reports that she made about $1MM a year for three years being a glorified hooker. I guess I am just in the wrong industry.

Now don't get me wrong, I know the girl grew up in a broken home and she claims that is the reason she has acted out but she is now 22 years old. At 22, everyone makes mistakes but they also should have morals and know right from wrong. Her identity was hidden when the Spitzer affair went public but she chose to get her 15 seconds of fame. I hope Dupre seeks counseling because one day she will wake up, all of her money spent, and will only have her memory left. That can be a cruel thing when it haunts you for decades. What if she actually decides to marry and have children? Her actions will now trickle into their lives.

Dupre, if you are reading this now...save yourself. Get out of this mess and come away with your dignity. Stop having sex for money, running around naked and be an adult. If you want a serious singing career or any career that does not require you to have sex for money, you need to work for it honey. Now that you are an adult, it is time to pick better role models.

Sometimes It's Just Life

The more I look around, the more I realize we are part of a society that takes pills to deal with life. It seems that one friend of mine cannot sleep so takes pills for that, another gets constant headaches, another keeps her vicodin around "just in case, the other is sick all the time. It makes me really think about how life was years ago when there weren't as many medicinal options as there are now. It appears people were even more happy back then, more peaceful, more relaxed. Why is that?

Have we become the society that is emotionally unstable? I think it is safe to say we are. Just recently I heard a report that there is traces of prozac and other prescriptions in our drinking water because so many pills are being manufactured and ending up in landfills or flushed down the toilets. This is truly alarming.

What I think people do not understand is that in many cases, the more pills you take, the more you need them. The easier it is for your body to forget what it's naturally supposed to do.

Now before you go thinking I am a Tom-Cruise-no-such-thing-as-ADD-no-need-for-pills wack-a-doo I will stop right here and tell you I am not. I truly believe there are more medical conditions now than there ever was but because of that, and the Internet, some people take advantage. Yes, I know, when a loved one passes away, the pain is sometimes unbearable and yes, when you have worked a long day and your eyes hurt so bad you want to cry it is easier to take a pill than to let your body deal with it. I get it. But what does that teach our youth and ourselves?

If I can offer one piece of advice, let it be this...before you go off and have your doctor write a prescription, take a look at your life and try to find the natural way to resolve the issue. If you can't sleep, maybe you are drinking too much caffeine. If your eyes hurt, maybe you should take a break from your computer and walk during lunch. I think it is beneficial for us to start listening to our bodies first. I am guilty of taking the easy way out but in the long run, I feel better if I cut out the things my body is rejecting.

This Spring, let's start taking our body and mind back. Let's make a conscious effort to put ourselves first and make lifestyle changes that will make us happy. Nobody can do this for us, we must do it for ourselves.

Good luck with life...I know yours will be a great one.

"Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity." ~World Health Organization, 1948

A Letter to Silda Spitzer

Dear Silda Spitzer,

I just want to start by saying that I am sorry you are going through such an emotional ordeal. I have no idea what your story is - i.e. how you met your husband, your first kiss, how he proposed and your wedding day. What I am sure of is that you did not deserve to be publically slapped in the face by your husband.

With that said, I have a few questions for you. First question is - HOW CAN YOU STAND NEXT TO YOUR MAN DURING ALL OF THIS SCANDAL? Your husband spent thousands of dollars "escorting" a 22-year-old hooker. How oh how can you pull herself to do that? Come on now, we are not in the 1950s and you are woman anything but a wall flower. You were a rising corporate lawyer and a strong public figure. YOU HAVE THREE DAUGHTERS!

Even if you decided to work on your marriage and in the end stay with him, I don't understand how one can stand in the public eye and say "This is my husband, I support him" after he humiliated you and your family. As I said, I can't even begin to imagine the feelings and hurt that you are feeling but at the end of the day, I can say that you must be strong. If not only for yourself, for your three daughters who are probably not much younger than the aspiring singer your husband was supporting. I am sure you do not want them to grow into large doormats as they marry in the future. Set an example for them and for the millions of women watching you stand beside your man, looking away at times with bags under your eyes.

Please know you will pull through this difficult time but I hope you come away with your strength and dignity. I am pulling for you and hope you will let your voice be heard. You do not need to slam any of the parties involved but I want to hear from you one day, when you are ready. Trust me, the women in this country will listen.

Warm regards,
Strong Working Women

Bitch is Back

For a woman, double standards are a way of life. I am sure you all agree. A woman has a one night stand - she is a slut. A man has a one night stand - he is just being "a man". A man is assertive, he is a good business man...a woman is assertive and she is a bitch. I am sure Hillary Clinton would thoroughly agree with me on this.

I have argued about Hillary Clinton at length with my dad. He says "she is cold, she comes off as a bitch" in which my response is "oh, because she is confident and strong willed in a man's world and industry?". To this I say with pride...Bitch is Back.

If in client meetings or with vendors I come off as "a bitch", I know I am doing a great job because I am arguing my point, getting stuff done and saving money. To this and to all of the other women I encounter like this I say - BRAVO! Don't be ashamed to be "the bitch", I am not saying you should walk around the office like your poop smells like roses but have a little faith in yourself and see what doors will open for you. Nobody wants a flim-flammer, jellyfish working for them, trust me. When you are in a position to work with vendors, if they smell blood, they will attack. Stay confident and strong and don't ever let them smell blood.

Keep truckin' ladies. Keep your head up.

With love, from one proud "bitch" to another.

Secret Life of a Brain Dead Dad...and Mom

One of my guilty pleasures (next to a stiff cosmo) is watching the TLC network. I can easily get swept up in any "Trading Spaces", "10 Years Younger", "Dr. G Medical Examiner"...you name it. Last night I caught an episode of "Secret Life of a Soccer Mom". Tracy Gold was the host and I was happy to see that she has gained some weight and is likely over her "issues". Anywho, in this show, they take a Soccer Mom and remove her from her stay-at-home mom duties and place her in the working world. In this episode, the mom went to school for fashion design and worked in the industry but stopped once she had her kids.

Long story short, she does a great job when they put her back in the working world for a week and even creates a dress that is worn by Jennifer Hudson. Fabulous.

Now for my issue. In the show, while the mom was at work for the week, the dad had to stay home with this kids. This man infuriated me beyond belief. It was like he never interacted with a child in his life! He let them walk around and make a mess of the whole house and at one point, they were EATING DIAPER RASH CREAM! How, oh how, could a mother let a dad get away with not being a responsible parent for this long? Her oldest daughter was about 8 years old and was a better parent than her father!

In this case I must blame this mother for the lack of parenting skills her husband has. If you teach your husband from day one that you will do everything for the kids and show that you do not "trust" him to "baby-sit", he will cater to this thought and will let you do everything. HELLOOOO, WOMEN, DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF! From day one, my husband never knew what it was like to have all of the chores done and dinner on the table when he walked in. That is because I work full time and in our house, it is equal opportunity s**t work. I can tell you it will also be this way when we have kids. Please trust me on this one...it will help your marriage and help you to be a better parent if you work as a team. That means, each person does an equal part in everything.

If you say that this does not matter much to you, I believe it is worth it to show equality to your kids because in the world outside of your home, times are a-changing. Keep up or be pushed around.

Clothes Make the Man...and Woman

I am a firm believer that if you want a specific role in life and in the workplace...you must first dress the part. It doesn't take a lot of money or a fashion consultant to tell you that wearing sweatpants on Casual Fridays is a big no-no.

The reason I bring up this topic is because I was at a client meeting last week and noticed all kinds of clothing gone wrong. From over-stretched to just plain inappropriate. I understand that the receptionist does not earn what a VP does and should not be expected to come in wearing designer suits but for the love of God, would it kill her to throw together some dress pants and decent shoes? We were in the midst of a meeting and in walks the assistant to the CEO wearing cut-off shorts and a tee-shirt! No, I am not kidding you. My eyes almost bugged out of my head. Does she think she will ever be promoted from an Assistant if she is dressing like that?

Ever since Old Navy and even Target entered our lives, there is no reason for sloppy dressers in the workplace. You can get a nice Isaac Mizrahi outfit for under $50. Can't beat that with a bat.

So, if I can offer another piece of advice. Take a look in your closet, ladies. More importantly, ask a boyfriend/husband/friend what they think of your style and work attire. You may be surprised. I am very lucky that my husband has an eye for fashion. He is a sharp dresser and helps me along too. Trust me that when you look good, you feel good and your confidence will be overwhelming to all you encounter.

Happy Shopping!

When Not to be "Jabber Jaws"

I must say that I am guilty of doing this myself. I have gotten better over the years but I still make the same mistake time and time again.

What mistake you ask?

Well, I have the habit of complaining about my husband to my sister...and my sister to my husband, when either of them piss me off. The reason this is such a big deal is because I feel that when I show anger toward one of them, the other is quick is run to my defense, agree with me and deep down will hold it against that person even though I am well over the issue.

I must admit I have been on the other side of this spectacule too. When a friend of mine will complain about her hubby, I must admit that the next time I see that girl's hubby, I think of the issue she told me about...I don't say anything...but think about it.

So I ask, is it better to let it out or keep it in?

Let's start with option #1, we let it out. Now our sisters and friends will no doubt look at our hubby's differently (depending on the dirt). They will give their opinion and make judgements and let's face it, at the end of the day, they will talk about the situation to other people. Definitely a negative.

Option #2, we keep it in. Now we play and replay the issue in our mind and it makes us nuts, or we just get over the issue.

I think we have a clear winner. Option #2. Now I just need to practice what I preach. Easier said than done. Do you have experiences with this issue? Do you let it out or hold it in...or do you have people in your life that can really keep their mouth shut??

The Art of Negotiating

I have met many women in my day that will argue that MAC make-up is wayyy better than Lancome or that their gym is the best in the city...but when it comes to their finances, they let a great argument pass them by. I feel that we, women, do not argue nearly enough about the important things in our lives and it is costing us big bucks.

Here's an example, did you know that if you are a good credit card customer (i.e. make payments on time, use the card now and again, had the card for many years) you can call and argue that you get a lower APR? I do it every six months or so and they always have lowered my APR by something. If you had a card since college and are now in your mid-twenties and have a better job but keep a minimum balance...why should you pay the college kid rate of 20% APR? Give them a call and tell them you want a lower rate or you will cancel the card or transfer the balance.

Second example, when you get a raise, unless it blows your socks off, there is no harm in asking for more...or asking for some other perk (extra week of vacation, better desk location, etc). I have never heard of anyone being fired for asking for more money...or not been hired after being made an offer because they asked for more money. The worst they can say is "No".

Now when it comes to the big things in life, I will put up an argument - buying a house, car, salary, credit cards. However, I think there is room outside of this area - furniture stores, apartment rent, cell phones, electronics.

I think it should be our first priority to argue like it's make-up and let's save some money this year. You with me? I am sure it will be embarrassing at some times but let's remember, they can only say no.

"You're Not Fat"

I never understood why some women make it a point to fish for compliments every time I see them. Sometimes it happens in a public setting and I am just embarrassed for that person. I am sure you all know what I am talking about. You are out to dinner or having drinks with a friend and then it happens "ohh what a cute shirt, I wish I could wear that but I am too fat"...and your response "ohhh, no you're not!". You can easily replace any "fat" statement with "bony", "ugly hair", "stupid", etc.

If you are the one blurting out any of these statements, you are doing more harm than good not to mention you're making the world uncomfortable. By using such statements, you/your friend, is showing the world they have zero self-esteem. If you don't like yourself, who is going to like you? You are also telling the world that you NEED to hear nice things, on command, to feel better. That is an ass-backward way to live your life.

Don't get me wrong, it is nice to hear nice things from your friends every now and again. Especially regarding the trouble areas on our bodies, but trust me, it will mean more if you don't poke to get them to give you a compliment. If you are the one listening to a friend say these things about herself, it may be worth the time to talk to them about their own self-esteem. I know, easier said than done.

Bottom line is this, you need to love yourself, even when you want to hate yourself because that is the only way you will plow through regret, anger and disappointment that you may feel for your actions. Even the strongest of women need help with this, myself included.

Happy New Year! Here's to a better you and me.

Keep It In Your Pants

Maybe it's just me but nothing annoys me more than when I am trying to talk to someone...anyone...and they have their nose buried in their BlackBerry. I understand that multitasking is a way of life now-a-days but there are some things that require undivided attention, especially when I am answering a question you asked me ("how are you?", "how is work?", etc). Maybe you are guilty of doing this to someone else but they are too polite to tell you that you are being disrespectful.

If someone asks me a question, or we are engaging in a conversation yet decides to bury their face in their phone when I am talking...I just stop talking. I suggest you do the same if someone is doing this to you. When did we become a society where the person on the other end of the wireless signal is more important that the living person in front of you?

I must admit that my husband is guilty of doing this to me every now and again and it makes me batty. Granted, it does not happen as much as it did in the past, it still happens and when it does, the s**t does hit the fan. Not only do I think this is not Ok in a relationship but also in the business world. Nothing is more annoying to clients or coworkers than when they are mid-sentence and the person they are speaking to decides to take a phone call or start typing a text/email. It makes you look bad. I suggest you not do it. If you are speaking with someone and ignore your cell phone beeping, that will make that person's day and really make them feel important. Feeling important goes a long way.

I hope in the hustle and bustle of this holiday season and in the world of business, you will make someone feel important.

A Lot of Joy, A Lack of Oy

Each year while walking through the streets of Chicago, Boston or pretty much any city in the US, I gawk over the Christmas lights and decorations. Every year seems better than the last. Santa, reindeer, nativity, etc. It really puts me in the holiday spirit and makes me appreciate the winter beauty of the city. It has done this to me since I was a child.

But then I wonder...where are all the Hanukkah decorations? I am not Jewish but I feel for those who are. Where is the menorah? Where are the blue and white lights? Shouldn't there be equal Hanukkah decorations as Christmas decorations? I know many Jewish people that host Hanukkah parties and decorate their homes as well as create anticipation and excitement in their children for the upcoming holiday but I still don't think it is fair. I have also been told that Hanukkah is not all about the presents like Christmas is, but again I say...it is not fair. Jewish children should be able to walk through big city streets and see decorations they can relate to rather than looking eye level at decorations and ads that are targeted to their Christian peers, that they are not a part of. Wasn't Jesus a Jew?

If we were living in Rome, I could see the city displaying a Christmas Tree only...or in Israel, a menorah. However we are in the United States. This is a melting pot of races and religions. Shouldn't all people and especially children, feel welcome and be able to share in annual celebrations?

As citizens of this country and of our cities, we can write letters and ask for PC decorations next year...it may help if there is enough demand. But we can start even smaller. In our offices, when you receive an email with a subject "Christmas Party" or "Christmas Grab Bag" you can be the one to speak up and make the sender realize that having "Christmas" rather than "Holiday" excludes a lot of people, especially in large companies. That small change could make a world of good in creating unity in your office and help embrace our differences.

Happy Holidays to you All.

Tis the Season for Stumble Bums

It's that time of year when we start to get invites for our company holiday parties. I always enjoyed attending because usually the companies I worked for would spare no expense...which made the event a lot of fun. Great food, great conversation but then it happens - someone has way too much to drink and she turns into a drunken stumble bum. Why must this happen every year? Yes, I understand the alcohol is free and the band is playing a lot of good songs but please know when to say when. Of course there are men who also drink too much but I must say that everybody remembers the women. It is unfortunate but this is the way the world works. If you think it will not follow you back to the office on Monday, you are wrong. If you think it will not have an effect on your career, you are wrong again. It is better that you do not attend at all rather than make an ass of yourself. Sure, there are times when I went to work parties and holiday parties where I felt my cheeks get a little warm but luckily I immediately switched to water and redeemed myself. I was never that woman who was slurring when she spoke but let me tell you, I do remember the names of those who were. If you were the CEO of a company, would you promote someone who can't control their alcohol at a corporate event? If a person cannot control the amount they drink at a work function, the bottom line is that they demonstrate a lack of control and therefore make bad decisions. Period. Don't be that person. It is better to spend your time chatting with a lot of different people so they, and their significant others, have a good, lasting impression of you. This will go a long way and is something you will want to be remembered for on Monday.

I am not saying that if you and a couple of girlfriends go out after work, you need to be on your best behavior at all times but just use your head. Pay attention to new people and take the time to be trustworthy and earn the trust of others. It is important that you learn who the office gossips are and you stay away from them. It is not worth you going out after work with them one day if it will spark some false rumor.

To help you make it through this corporate party season, here are a list of rules to abide by-

1) Give yourself a drink limit before you walk in, and stick to it. Make this limit known to your boyfriend/date/husband
2) Eat something before you go. If cocktail hour and the meet-and-greet time will push dinner back several hours, don't start on an empty stomach
3) Don't choose an alcohol you never drink because it is free. If you normally drink white wine, why would you think vodka on the rocks would be a good choice for you?
4) Eat dinner. If you plan on having a few drinks, make sure you actually eat some food with substance to hold you through the entire event
5) Pass on the after party. There is no good reason why work people need to be out to 2AM or 3AM together. There is no good that can ever come of it
6) Do not shack up, make-out or spill your guts to coworkers. If you did not tell them when you are sober, there is no reason you should tell them when you are tipsy
7) Don't bring a new love interest to a corporate function. Not only can you hurt your career but the person you bring with you is representing you so make sure they know how to behave and do not embarrass you
8) If you have a Tweety Bird tattoo on your back from Spring Break in Cancun 5 years ago, find a way to cover it up so people aren't doing a double take. Trust me, nobody wants to see it

Enjoy your parties!

Thank God We Don't Need to Hunt Our Turkeys Anymore

I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. For those who are cooking for the masses, God bless you. Be sure you take a few minutes to look around at your family and friends, and all you are thankful for this year. I know there is a lot in my life that I have been blessed with although I often look at things as half-empty.

I am lucky that I am only a Thanksgiving "Assistant" for short...a Thanksgiving "Ass". This means that I am the one that makes multiple runs to the grocery store, does the dishes and grabs the serving plates out of the hard-to-reach cabinets, high and low. However, I do not mind being the Ass because for all the years of my life, it allowed me to really look around and realize the work that goes into a holiday where there are 20+ people coming for dinner. There is days of work even though we have the modern convenience of Cuisinart blenders and food processors and high-tech ovens. I can't even begin to imagine the work that would need to go into a holiday back in the early 1900s.

After reflecting on all of this hard work, I can only say - God Bless Women. Over the years you have made every holiday what it is, and have built traditions. For this and many other things, I am truly grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving.

You Have Less Common Sense Than That Snack Bag of Peanuts

It never fails to amaze me every time I step into the security line at the airport that many people are just plain dumb. For some reason, no matter what time of day or night, when some people walk through the automatic doors of the airport, they leave all common sense behind. I am secure in my stance on this statement because I am not the most savvy of people when it comes to current events. I don't watch the news all that much and read the newspaper on Sundays although many times it is to clip coupons and "ohhh, ahhh" over stuff I will never buy. Sure, I browse the Internet to get the important local and political news but again, I am in no way a news-buff.

So, in saying all that, I have a hard time believing that the business men and women, and vacation travelers I encounter in the airport security line still do not think it is necessary to take off their shoes, throw out their new cup of coffee or leave their bottle of new perfume behind. Are you kidding me? I would say that 75% of the time I am traveling, I witness this argument. HELLOOOOO, DOES THE SHOE BOMBER or 9/11 RING A BELL TO YOU? Not only does it bother me that they are giving the airport security guards a hard time, but they are bothering me because they are holding up the line and have their heads so far up their arse that they did not hear the announcements every 2 minutes over the airport loudspeaker nor did they read the sign they just walked past to get into the security line.

Does the ease of modern technology bring stupidity? I would like to think it is the opposite. We have the world at our fingertips. Literally. We can search on the Internet, call, type and read anything with the click of a button from our blackberry so why is it that we are too busy reading an email to hear an announcement or check what is acceptable on airplanes? This brings me to the conclusion that modern technology may be teaching us to over analyze. I think we now feel that if we do not get an email or call from an airlines before we leave for the airport, the security guidelines must not have changed...even though it is all over the Internet and news. However, now that I think about it, when I get my departure time text messages and reminder...it often states what you can and cannot bring on the plane, so I am clueless once again.

When I was a kid, we used our imagination so much to play house, store or even restaurant. We did role reversals, created complex scenarios and created games to keep ourselves occupied, and to have fun. I believe this has helped my generation to think past emails and use common sense to problem solve and keep up alert. Since it is hard to find a kid now that is more than 5 feet from a video game or computer, how do we teach them common sense? Better yet, how do we teach the security-line warriors common sense?

In some way, I think the smarter we become, the more dumb we get. Is there a way to have the best of both worlds? How can we make people start paying attention to what matters?

We're Not Playing Monopoly, You Can't Just Grab More

Let me start off by saying, Suze Orman is my hero. If you are not familiar with her, you may recognize her from her website. She is a financial wizard and is able to break it down in a way that I understand. Hence the reason I think she is wonderful ;)

Several years ago, I was having issues falling asleep and on Public Television I saw a special where she was talking to a large audience about their finances. This is always a difficult subject matter and I think pure confusion on the topic has lead this country down a road of foreclosures and empty pockets at retirement. Anyway, her motto was "People First, Then Money, Then Things". Basically she is say to protect your family, then your money then assets. It's quite simple when she explains yet all of my life, I got the sweats when I even thought about 401Ks, CDs, savings, Money Market Accounts...you name it. Why are so many women in the dark when it comes to money and financial issues?

I have yet to cross a male in my life that does not have somewhat of an understanding of where his money is invested and why. When I think back, I realize that I never was taught about this in school or by my father. In the past, was it just assumed that it would not be my issue to address? Maybe there are a lot of males in the dark on this topic but just don't express it. I am really not sure, I would like to hope males are not expressing their lack-of-knowledge because that would make me feel better from a female standpoint.

Recently, Suze spoke to an all female audience about debt and finances, and it scared the s**t out of me. There were so many women in the audience who were co-signers on homes and cars, had debt coming out of their ears and basically had no plan for the future or retirement. After hearing their questions and comments I realized I was not the only one in the dark and it triggered me to do something about it. I bought her book "The Young, Fabulous and Broke" and took a long hard look at my money. Although I am married and my husband has his own investments and stocks through work, that was not enough insurance for me. I wanted to have my own. I educated myself on Money Market accounts and now have a series of investments, which I contribute to monthly. Let me tell you, it feels wonderful and since the money is taken out of my bank account at the same time every month, I don't even feel it missing. I also realized that once you're educated, it is not that scary. It is important to ask people, get several opinions, review websites and books but at the end of the day, make your hard earned money work for you and your family.

If you do not have time to read up on this topic now, let me give you the Cliffs Notes from what I learned from Suze-
1) Think about your money - you work hard for it and it should be there when you need it
2) Be smart with credit cards - think long and hard about paying $200 for a $50 pair of shoes after interest. Sometimes things are worth the wait
3) Don't be made to feel guilty about co-signing or loaning people money - I understand your boyfriend may really want that car or your son may want to get this great condo but if you are responsible, that can ruin your life and credit for a long time

I would like to hear about where you learned about investing?
Do you know about investing?
Do you have your own investments for retirement or are they combined with your spouse?
Do you feel it is not important to have a 401K or a zero balance on your credit cards?