Ok I get it...years ago, women changed their last names to match their husband's so that on paper they were "joined" not to mention their children will have the same last name as them. By the wife taking her husband's last name, it appears that she is now a part of him and the single woman was left at the back of the chapel. Does changing your name mean the same thing now?
The question is, why do many women still change their last name? I was married almost two years ago and after long debate and a weaning-off-period, I decided to change my last name. In the business world, I use both last names. The reason I changed my last name was because I got sucked into the "children" vacuum and thought that one day down the road, I want my last name to match my children's. Maybe part of me thought that when I do have children, I wouldn't want anyone to mistake me for having a "bastard", another part of me thought that so many morals are going out the window that what is the harm in holding on to a family and long-standing tradition. Not sure what really made up my mind. What I am sure of is the fact that it was a PITA (pain in the arse) to go through the paperwork to change my name on everything - bank statements, credit cards, car, driver's license, business cards, etc. My name was on a lot of things and as I had already started the process, I was a bit scared. With each line I waited in to change my name, I was chipping away a little piece of what I had built - my name. With my name came a college diploma and a key to the working world where I built a great career and a name for myself.
So here is my question to you - do women who change their name show strength or weakness?
My husband is my lover and best friend. He supports my dreams and aspirations, inspires me to climb any ladder I so choose. I think my changing my name, I demonstrated strength because I was able to integrate my old self into my married self and build a new, stronger identity. I realized that even thought I built a name for myself in this world, there was a lot of bad and naivety that came along with it that I wanted to shake too. My new name, the married version of myself is confident, stable and strong. I am proud of the married woman that I am and my name although it was more of an adjustment that I expected.
I'd like to hear why you did or didn't change your name and what was your rationale.
2 comments:
Hi!
I realize this post has collected some dust, but this is still a red-hot subject. I'm getting married in less than two months, and I have decided to keep my last name. Period. Since childhood, I have always felt that the whole "Mrs HisLast" thing was an implicit devaluation of women's individuality. I simply refuse to define myself through my husband, even in the seemingly trivial details such as names. Initially, my boyfriend expected me to take his name; let's just say nobody rocks the boat in his religious family. I calmly told him to think about how he would feel if tradition was the other way around, and HE was the one everyone expected to grin and bear it. Luckily, he got the point quite quickly, and is now happily on board with my line of thought: That sharing a name has no bearing on whether or not we will be successful in sharing our lives together.
My whole life I have wanted to keep my name...it's who I am, it's who I was raised to be and I never wanted anything different. I am a very strong, independent woman...hear me roar!! Then I met the man I'm going to marry. He supported me completely and felt the name change was up to me. I decided to keep my name...my other stipulation was to name our children with both our last names. After much thought, much deabate, he agreed. He knew how important it was to me. Suddenly, I saw him in a whole new light. He is a very, tradition driven, conservative man and to know that he was willing to compromise for me, so that I wouldn't have to compromise, filled me with such love for him. Marraige is about compromise. He gave up a lot by saying that, and in return, I'm compromising and taking on his name. It doesn't make me weak or less of a feminist. Being a feminist means I have the right to choose what I want out of life. I have chosen him...I chose his name out of love and respect for him; just like the love and respect he showed to me by giving in to my desires.
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