Stay-at-Home or Enjoy your Home?

I like to dabble in "touchy" subjects every now and again because I think they spark great debates. The most common debate I encounter between women in my age group and those of the older generation is - is it better to be a stay-at-home mom or a working mom?

The reason I titled this post "stay-at-home or enjoy your home" is because I do not believe both can be true. If you choose to be a stay-at-home mom and quit the working world after you have children - as my mother did - I believe that you grow to hate being at home and resent that you do not have much life outside of your children. This is not a theory, this is what I see in every one of my friends that chose this route. However, recently I discovered on MySpace, the story of Kaleb who was a victim of Shaken Baby Syndrome. This and only this made me ponder if returning to work after children is the right thing to do. Are those parents kicking themselves for leaving him with a sitter? Probably. Would I be? Of course.

Up until recently, I always believed that it is better to spend five enjoyable hours a day with your kids than 24 miserable ones. The thing that I am left to wonder about, is, are the 19 hours away from him/her going to provide them with what you could as a mother? In my younger days, I often dog-sat for multiple coworkers to make an extra couple of dollars. As I get older, I realize that I never really treated their dogs like I would treat my own. I was never mean or cruel at all...they just weren't my dogs. I had a hard time cuddling with them. Pardon the comparison but is this the same for children and caretakers?

As I entered high school and college, I really resented the fact that my mother could not answer my questions on the working world nor could she relate (refer to the "Does Anyone Care" post). I do not want the same experiences for my children but I also want to make sure they are with the best, most gentle caretaker I can find but how are you ever really sure about that from just references and an interview?

Another issue I have with mothers that stay home is that I feel the dynamic in their marriage shifts the day they quit their job. From that point forward, they are never an equal. They are someone living off another person regardless of the important work they are doing for the home and family. Will this ever change? Am I wrong about this perception?

I do not have any children yet but I am sure that when I do, I will take a look at this post and not know what the hell I was thinking at the time.

I would like to hear your thoughts and opinions on the benefits of working in and out of the home.